I sat across the table from her as she took another drag on her cigarette. I was facing a woman I had just met, but about whom I’d been told a lot. Her home was in active foreclosure, her divorce was final, she had no job and no plan. And, curiously, she had no *interest* in a plan, either.
(I mean, when the hell does reality kick in if not now?)
I’d been invited to coffee with two friends and they brought her along since she’s been going through a hard time. I listened to their conversation mostly as an observer, happy to be outside on a nice day. They were talking about their upcoming beach trip which I wasn’t going on so I just sipped on my latte.
About 20 minutes into the conversation, the woman looked over and asked me what I do.
“I’m a Mindset Coach,” I replied.
Immediately, our mutual friends chimed in that she needed me to help her.
She said, “You’d have a field day with me.”
I half-smiled. Said nothing.
She proceeded to tell me her story (which I already knew) basically word-vomiting all over me and then she asked, “So, what do *you* think about my life, Mindset Coach?”
I reached for my keys, slid my chair back and said the following:
“I don’t think about your life. That’s your responsibility. What you think about your life is the only thing that matters.”
I don’t coach people who don’t ask to be coached, and I definitely don’t coach women who don’t want to be coached.
But let me break down a few things for those of you following along at home.
I’m so done with women wallowing in “poor me.”
“He did this…”
“She did that…”
“No one understands how hard it is…”
News flash: Shut up.
No, I mean it. Shut it. Stop putting the blame on everyone else. With every word you utter and thought you think, you’re creating your reality.
Every single flippin’ time you blame your ex-husband, or your boss, or your ex-bff or your cousin’s neighbor’s dog, you’re giving your power away.
“I lost my house because my husband left me.”
No, you lost your house because you didn’t pay your mortgage payments.
“But, I couldn’t without his income.”
Fine, but the FACT is the house is gone because you didn’t make the payments.
AND HERE’S THE KICKER: that’s neither good nor bad. It just is.
Choices were made and the outcome is what it is based on those choices. Blaming is procrastinating.
Do you see what I’m saying? We have to stay with the facts if we’re going to create the life we want.
When we can break it down to the FACTS, then we can begin to choose how we want to think about them. That is critical because our thoughts create our feelings which lead to our actions which create our results.
Let me give you a super basic thought model example:
Fact: You charge $497 for a 90-minute consulting session. (This is a fact because in our scenario it is provable in a court of law.)
Thought: No one will ever believe I’m worth that much money.
Feeling: You feel stupid talking about your consulting.
Action: You rarely bring it up.
Result: No sales.
–OR–
Fact: You charge $497 for a 90-minute consulting session.
Thought: I’m so happy that I’m able to use my expertise and give my clients unbeatable value in a one-on-one setting so that they walk away with clarity and reachable goals at this price point.
Feeling: Grateful! Excited!
Action: You tell everyone who will listen because you *know* you rock this out.
Result: You book clients!
Beautiful, you’ve got to be able to get the root of the stuff in order to change it.
You can create the life and business you want, and it begins in your head.
So, no more putting it off on everyone and everything else.
This is your time.
This is you stepping up and staking some new territory.
This is you making it happen.
Because it’s up to you.
Gah, aren’t you bored with all the excuses, too?
So, for the love of all things good and holy, DO IT!
Oh, and in case you’re wondering, yes, I do offer 1:1 90-minute sessions, my clients get the results they’re craving, and I AM happy and grateful I get to use 20 years of advocacy and business experience to pour into world-changers. 😉