I’m grateful to routinely get invited to speak and teach at conferences. Even as a certified introvert, I find so much community and enjoy making new friends at these events.

Over fifteen years ago, I was hired to speak in the midwest. One particular panel paired me with an older gentleman whose work I had admired for years. I would’ve been happy just meeting him, let alone getting to work alongside him!

As we sat there in the room waiting for the attendees to arrive, I looked over at him and made a very innocent comment. We were about to listen to a bunch of newly written songs, and I said, “All we have to do is lay back and enjoy it.” A comment that I would have never in a million years thought could be turned into an inappropriate one.

I didn’t know this man, and I certainly never dreamed he would turn that into a sexual innuendo.

But he did.

I was horrified. I was so embarrassed, and I immediately started worrying about what it was about me that would make him think it appropriate to turn that comment, a comment about enjoying music, into a middle school joke.

Did people think I was trampy?

What kind of vibe was I giving off?

I didn’t tell anyone what happened.

I didn’t want to be ‘uncool.’ This was a man with power, and I definitely wasn’t going to be ‘that’ girl. The girl who couldn’t take a joke. The uptight one.

Of course, it didn’t matter that I didn’t tell anyone because HE did.

Actually, he’s told that story every single time I’m around him with someone else. He’s told it to mutual friends and colleagues right in front of me. Over and over and over. He’s been telling that same story now for over 15 years.

A few years later he and I were teaching at another conference in Colorado. Several us were staying in a huge cabin on the mountain, and I was eating breakfast chatting with a few friends in the corner. The same man walked over and stood in the middle of our circle with his back to my other two friends and said, “I just want you to know the highlight of my trip has been watching you eat that banana.”

I went to the bathroom and cried. I was so humiliated.

Isn’t this kind of, well, shocking? I’m certainly not the only recipient of the comments. I know that now. But I’m still shocked that I even have these stories to tell.

It’s shocking that absolutely NO ONE has ever looked at this man and said, “Hey, that’s not okay.” No one has said to him, “That’s not who Belinda is. You should check yourself.” NO ONE.

Including me.

So yesterday, when I introduced this man to a new colleague of mine, he told the story. Again, I was horrified.

This time, though, my new colleague asked me why I put up with it? He asked why my friends put up with it? Then, he apologized. He said he was sorry, that he doesn’t get that vibe from me at all, and he said he was sorry that I’ve been dealing with it all these years.

Wow.
It hit me so hard.

For all the times I’ve been embarrassed and humiliated by the words of this man, I gave away another little piece of my self-worth.Power

I let him have another morsel of my self-confidence.

And everytime I chose to let it go, he was free to do it to someone else.

It’s time to take my power back.
It’s actually way past time to take my power back.

And if you are dealing with this or know someone who is, ENOUGH!
It is NOT your fault.
It is NOT your shortcoming.
YOU are not causing this.

Let’s handle this. I’ve got your back.

Things are about get real up in here, Beautifuls!