If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a thousand times: I have the most extraordinary friends. If I’ve done anything right in this world, I surround myself with amazing friends.

My friends are intelligent and accomplished, and overall just make the world better.

And so when we run into something especially bizarre, I, the writer, have to analyze it seven hundred different ways. I try to diagnose, find empathy, workshop…anything I can to get it to make sense. Because, again, my friends are stunning people.

Well, I’m sharing this today as a shout out to all the single peeps who are drudging through the (what appears to be) MISERABLE world of online dating.

In this exchange, however, I’ve decided to let you just see it. I’ve changed the names to protect the innocent and keep the power from the guilty.

But, for all of you who have no idea what it’s really like out there, here ya’ go:

First email from stranger: It’s a sad chronicle to your charachter to place a political agenda within a narrative that is the same narrative that seeks out an individual to form a relationship. It actually shows your level of integrity, but more importantly what red flags it raises to who your trying to connect with, it’s not good and I’m not even a trump fan, it’s just the message sends a need for caution !!!! Think before you write !

Amazing Friend’s Response: It’s spelled “character.” I’m not a match for anyone who would vote for him. And I wasn’t asking for your permission. The commentary of character is that you felt it your duty to comment at all. I’m not looking for a father.

Second Email from stranger: Sounds like you need a father to make better decisions for yourself.

Friend’s Drop-Mic response (directly before blocking stranger): Controlling men are so predictable. You should stick with women your daughter’s age. The ones you would attract aren’t confident enough to think for themselves so you could tell them what to do, how to think and grade them accordingly. You’re not seeking a woman. You’re seeking a replacement for you daughter.

And, incidentally, note my demonstration of the correct usage of “you’re” vs. “your” from your initial email.

#BAM
First, and OF COURSE, I know many, many smart and strong young college women. I am always inspired by the high school women I teach at the Appalachian Young Writers Workshop. My friend was angry, and she does regret implying that he might find a younger women who isn’t strong and confident.

Next, I believe the only reason my friend was compelled to participate in this exchange is because of the EXTREMELY difficult week she’d had. She is a remarkable person and there is no planet upon which she needed to reply to some anonymous stranger who attacked her character.

But, on being weak minded…

The sad part is this stranger actually WILL attract a weak-minded person.

This stranger already thinks its his duty to control women he has never even had a conversation with.

This stranger and his gross e-behavior toward her is profoundly disturbing to me.

I speak as a recovered weak-minded person.

I have been in a verbally and emotionally abusive relationship. I was manipulated into believing I was worthless and a waste of life. There was a time when I believed that everything I had ever accomplished amounted to nothing.

I spent my days trying to anticipate what was going to set this guy off so I could try to do everything I could to avoid the inevitable blow-up. Getting out of that relationship is one of the things I’ve done which I’m most proud of. I had to fight for my life.

These people ARE out there.

And if you haven’t done your self-esteem work, they will find you and they will prey on you.

Ladies, you don’t have to tolerate condescension and verbal abuse from anyone. 

And to those of you who aren’t as experienced in the dating world, watch out for these types of people. This is who he is on EMAIL. Can you imagine him in daily life?

Know what you deserve.

Stay true to yourself.

Form educated opinions.

And for the love of everything good, NEVER let anyone assassinate your character with misspelled words and poor grammar.